Picture this: It’s 8 PM on a Tuesday. You’ve just wrapped up a long day of work, navigated the traffic, and are trying to get dinner on the table. In the other room, a battle is brewing over a tablet. You’ve asked your little one to come to the table, and in return, you get a loud "No! Just five more minutes!" Your patience is wearing thin, your head is starting to ache, and you feel that familiar mix of frustration and overwhelming love.
If this sounds even remotely familiar, take a deep breath. You’re not alone. Welcome to the beautiful, chaotic, and wonderful world of parenting in modern India.
You are doing an incredible job. The very fact that you’re reading this shows how much you care about raising happy, kind, and resilient children. But let’s be honest, it’s tough! We’re juggling careers, managing households, navigating family expectations, and trying to raise kids in a world that’s vastly different from the one we grew up in.
Positive parenting isn’t about being a “perfect” parent who never gets angry or makes mistakes. It’s about building a strong, loving connection with our children so that they want to cooperate. It’s about adding more joy and less conflict to our daily lives. So, let’s explore some simple, practical hacks that fit right into our busy, bustling Indian homes.
Wait, I have to connect before I correct?
Think about the last time you were engrossed in a good book or a conversation, and someone abruptly told you to stop and do something else. Annoying, right? Our children feel the same way. Often, we jump straight to correction ("Stop that!" or "Clean this up now!"), but a little connection first works like magic.
This means getting down to their level, physically and emotionally, before making a request.
- The Scenario: Your child is watching cartoons, and it's time for their online class.
- The Old Way: Shouting from the kitchen, "Turn off the TV, your class is starting!"
- The Connection Hack: Walk over, sit with them for a minute, and say, "Oh, Chhota Bheem is being so naughty! That looks fun. In two minutes, when this part is over, we need to pause it and get ready for your class. Can we do that together?"
By connecting with their world first, you’re not an interruption; you’re a teammate. It shows them you see and respect what’s important to them. A quick hug, a shared smile, or a simple question about their game can change the entire dynamic of the interaction.
The Secret Weapon: 'This or That'?
One of the biggest reasons for power struggles is that kids, especially toddlers and pre-teens, crave a sense of control over their lives. The good news is, you can give them that feeling without giving up your authority. The trick is to offer limited, parent-approved choices.
This simple technique empowers them and makes them feel like they are part of the decision-making process.
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Instead of: "Eat your vegetables."
- Try: "Would you like to have the bhindi or the gajar first?"
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Instead of: "It’s time to do your homework."
- Try: "Shall we finish the Maths homework before our chai break or after?"
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Instead of: "Put on your jacket, it's cold."
- Try: "Are you going to wear your blue jacket or the red sweater today?"
You’re still deciding what happens (they will eat vegetables, do their homework, and wear something warm), but they get to decide how. It’s a win-win that can prevent a surprising number of meltdowns.
So, what do we do with all these big feelings?
Our culture sometimes encourages us to be strong and not show too much emotion. We might hear our own parents' voices in our heads saying, "Don't cry over small things." But our children’s feelings are very real and very big to them. When we dismiss their emotions, we teach them that their feelings don’t matter.
Positive parenting encourages us to be an ‘emotion coach’. This doesn’t mean fixing their problems; it just means acknowledging their feelings with empathy.
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When your child is crying because their toy broke:
- Instead of: "It’s just a toy, we’ll get another one. Stop crying."
- Try: "You look so sad that your favourite car is broken. I understand. It’s okay to be upset about it. Let’s have a hug."
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When they are angry about losing a game:
- Instead of: "It’s just a game! Don't be a sore loser."
- Try: "It feels really frustrating to lose, doesn't it? I can see you're angry."
When you name and validate their feelings, you’re not condoning bad behaviour (like hitting or throwing things). You are simply giving them the words to understand their inner world. This builds emotional intelligence and, over time, helps them manage their emotions in a healthier way.
Moving Beyond 'Good Job!'
We all want our children to do well, especially with the academic pressures that exist today. It's so easy to fall into the trap of only praising results—the A+ on the report card, the first prize in the competition. While these are wonderful achievements, focusing only on the outcome can create anxiety and a fear of failure.
Instead, let’s try to praise the effort, the process, and the qualities we want to nurture.
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After a drawing:
- Instead of: "Wow, that's the best drawing ever!"
- Try: "I love the colours you used here! And I saw how carefully you worked on drawing that tree. You were so focused!"
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After they finish a tough assignment:
- Instead of: "See, you’re so smart!"
- Try: "That was a really difficult problem, but you didn't give up. I am so proud of your hard work and perseverance."
Praising the process teaches them that learning is a journey and that hard work is more valuable than being "naturally smart." This builds resilience and a love for learning that will last a lifetime, long after the exam scores are forgotten.
Are We a Team? Let's Make It Official!
Indian family life is built on community and togetherness. We can leverage this beautiful cultural strength within our own homes by fostering a "team spirit." When your family feels like 'Team Sharma' or 'Team Gupta', where everyone helps each other, chores become less of a burden and challenges become more manageable.
Use "we" and "us" language as much as possible.
- "This room is so messy! How can we tidy it up together quickly so we have time to play a game?"
- "What should we plan for our weekend outing as a family?"
- "Let’s make a plan for our Diwali cleaning. If we all help, it will be so much fun!"
Involving children in simple household tasks and decisions from a young age gives them a sense of responsibility and belonging. They aren't just living in the house; they are an important part of what makes it a home.
You've Got This, Truly.
Parenting isn't a race to a finish line; it’s a journey filled with laughter, tears, sticky handprints, and endless love. These hacks aren’t meant to be another list of things you have to do perfectly. Think of them as tools in your pocket. Some days, you'll use them beautifully. Other days, you'll forget all about them and just focus on getting through the day—and that’s perfectly okay.
The foundation of it all is the love you already have for your child. By choosing connection, offering choices, honouring feelings, praising effort, and building your family team, you are not just managing behaviour; you are building a relationship that will be their anchor for life.
So, tonight, when you tuck your little one into bed, give them an extra-long hug. And give yourself one, too. You’re doing a wonderful job.